UFOs Are In My House

No, not aliens, at least none that I can personally attest to.

Instead, something more mundane yet greatly vexing: UnFinished Objects. I have yet to meet another creative spirit who does not have an albatross of a project (or five) around their neck, mocking attempts at maintaining a consistent stream of completed works. Please, join me in perusing some of my collection and allay your guilt!

My UFO the first, or at the very least, one of the oldest in my cache: The Quilt.

I am pretty sure that cat hair is from 2 cats ago.

Now, the irony of this UFO is that it’s actually very nearly done. It’s a queen-bed sized coverlet that I pieced, wait for it, OVER FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. It was quilted somewhere around the beginning of this decade, and all it needs is for the binding to be blind stitched. I think I’ve already done about a third of the entire binding? Maybe even half, if I’m being generous?

Reason it isn’t done: I have no freaking idea. I really don’t. I should just do it.

Eh, maybe after the holidays.

The next UFO for your viewing pleasure: the doorknobs. Actually, their mortise locks, and yes, plural.

This is just ONE.

I have two sets of doorknobs and their mortise lock assemblies, or for those that don’t have houses over 100 years old or a particular zeal for door hardware, the part of the doorknob workings inside the door that does all the fancy work of latching and unlatching. Fun story: the two locks I pulled out are actually different ages, and therefore do not have the same mechanisms inside! Oh joy! *facepalm*

Reason it isn’t done: Fear. I’m not even joking. I am actually afraid to find out I can’t get them back together again. One of them (the newer one, and oddly, the harder one to reassemble due to the application of a very strong, very annoying spring) had to be removed by force because it malfunctioned. Badly. To the point where the door to my daughter’s room was stuck shut and we had to sacrifice one of my oil painting palette knives to jimmy it back open. The other, older mortise lock is very dirty and needs a good steel wool scrubbing before attempting reassembly. I have two small children and I’m lucky if I get time to scrub them. Even so, it’s mostly unabashed fear.

Why don’t you just buy replacement assemblies, you say? Oh I tried. Apparently the pockets cut out of the door are specific to the individual mortise lock and have to be custom cut, so I’d either have to cut my old door or buy new doors. Or both, because honestly, me + router + 100 year old door = hurt feelings and an unusable door. So… no.

And last UFO for today: the baby book.

It’s so cute, and yet so far from being done.

“It’s okay, Jacquelyn, he’s only a little over a year old, don’t beat yourself up!”

Kind of you to say, but that book is for my four year old, and despite the fact the cover looks nice and completed, it’s all lies. The inside is emptier than my wallet after going to a yarn store. That pile of papers behind it? They are “memories” that I apparently need to fit into the book, defying laws of physics, based on some unspoken law of Mamas that we are supposed to be master scrapbookers. Well, take THAT, societal expectations! Try to force me into a mold and I will defy you with stubborn procrastination that would make a mule give up.

Reason it’s not done: Down with the patriarchy! Or something.

And there they are, my lovelies. Three attractions of my UFO side show; many more to share, so expect some more UFO round-ups. If you have some you’d like to share, please add them in the comments – I always love seeing a good UFO story!

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